


The Emperor's New Armageddon

by Davechicken



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:47:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22304395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Someone mentioned that Aziraphale isn't told much about the upcoming extinction of clothing. That, plus a lovely prompt from Niborniac....
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 58





	The Emperor's New Armageddon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [robincain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/robincain/gifts).



“I should have known this was all your… infernal doing.” Aziraphale was an entire textile mill to the wind, by this point, and everything was rather glowy and fuzzy, with that peculiar light that he always associated with inebriation, from back in the day. 

“Well, s’hardly my fault… and am a demon and all. Y’know. Infernal. Inferno. Disco in--”

Aziraphale pointedly ignored the little snigger that Crowley dared to let past his lips at his own joke. “This is hardly the time.”

“Welllll, soon enough, won’t be such-a-thing as _time_ , sssssoo……”

“Gabriel told me _all_ about it.”

“Oh? Did’e? What’d’e say?”

“He said… he said you would… he said soon enough there’d be no more clothes.” Aziraphale wrinkled his nose in distaste.

“What?”

“No clothes.”

“And you think tha’s my fault? Why? Clothes was… kinda my fault they exist, ‘member? With the…” the demon nearly sloshed the wine over his general personage with the gesture he made over his groin region. 

The angel tried very, very hard not to flush. Or fluster. At the gesticulating. And.

“I suppose so.” He did have a point. “So why are you getting rid of them? I mean… I know you don’t - I know it’s not in your nature, but I - I like them!”

“...and you… somehow think I don’t? I mean. Don’t get me wrong, there’s been some dicey _coutures_ in fashion, but I’m not the one wearing something that belongs in a local history museum.”

“That’s a tau-- tau-- you’re saying the same thing twice.”

“Huh?”

“History museum.”

“So?”

“Museums are about history. Even if it’s… you know. Not far.”

“Yeah, but it’s - it’s linked to whatsit. The - local bit. It’s local history. And then a museum. But why are you changing the point? It’s Armageddon, not… not… a nudist colony. And why would I even want that? I don’t - do you know how dumb most Humans look?”

The indignation felt real, but Aziraphale couldn’t work out why they were arguing what was clearly a fact. “Yes, I am well aware, which is why _I_ do the decent thing.”

“And I _don’t_?”

“No! Look at yourself! You’re - you’re - it’s not right, Crowley, and you know it!”

Crowley’s serpentine eyes peered over treated glass, blinking more than they needed to (which was a grand total of zero, but that was by the by. “This is f--”

“You’re _naked right now_!”

Now the demon reared up, crossing his legs defensively, and slamming the wineglass down. “WHERE?”

“RIGHT - ALL OF YOU!”

“I AM WEARING CLOTHES, AZIRAPHALE. DO YOU NEED TO SEE SOME KIND OF ANGEL DOCTOR?”

“PERHAPS WHEN YOU SEE A HUMAN TAILOR.”

“When I-- Angel. Please. Explain… assif I’m ssstupid.”

“You… those aren’t clothes. Not _really_. You forget that I can see the difference, and… well.”

“...because I didn’t get them made by Humans?”

“You - they’re just… you made them, and so they’re… part of you, and that means… uh, when I… when I look at you, it’s--”

“ _Are you imagining me naked _?”__

__“I don’t **need** to imagine. It’s like _seeing it_ every time I look over! You’re - you’re swaggering around and it’s really rather distracting!” _ _

__Crowley’s legs clenched tighter together, and Aziraphale could practically feel the way that would - and - uh -_ _

__“Why didn’t you _tell me _?” Crowley squeaked.___ _

____“I - I thought you knew and were doing it on purpose! Oh… oh… so you weren’t…?”_ _ _ _

____“Weren’t… what?”_ _ _ _

____“Well, when you - ah that is to say - you have a very distinctive… uh…”_ _ _ _

____Smart, smart eyes narrowed, and the demon slowly unfolded his legs, moving to sit in something closer to his original sprawl. “So… you liked what you saw?”_ _ _ _

____“Crowley!”_ _ _ _

____“Well. You kept looking…”_ _ _ _

____“It wasn’t as if I had a _choice_ in the matter!”_ _ _ _

____“True. But… if it didn’t have an effect… why bring it up at all? Eh?”_ _ _ _

____Blast._ _ _ _

____“So… you aren’t going to make everyone else naked?”_ _ _ _

____“...no. Not… not part of the briefing. Maybe the baby will be. They’re born like that, right? That’s still a thing?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes,” Aziraphale replied, with a little less certainty. The first miracle of birth had been not so pleasant. And since then, he’d taken pains not to be required anywhere near one._ _ _ _

____“And if you don’t remember why I called you… I’d rather like to keep the whole… clothes thing. And everything else.”_ _ _ _

____“...yes, but--”_ _ _ _

____“Yes, angel?”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, just… never mention this again?” he pleaded._ _ _ _

____“I’m afraid,” Crowley sighed, over-dramatically, “...that unlike my tongue, my hips cannot lie.”_ _ _ _

____“I loathe you. You do know that, don’t you?”_ _ _ _

____“I do. So… will you burst your britches if I go grab another bottle?”_ _ _ _

____“You really think it’s wise?”_ _ _ _

____“I think it’s a wonderful idea. Never seen you this drunk since… I don’t remember.”_ _ _ _

____Aziraphale did. He was rather glad that Crowley did not._ _ _ _


End file.
